I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
