PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
