Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
