there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
