Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
