mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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