We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
