Acid is not a monday night drug
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
