do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize
