Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
