I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
