i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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