Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
