Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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