How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
