Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
