I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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