hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
