I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
