White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
