I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
