I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
