How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
