Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
