to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Too much gin, very little bucket
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
