We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
