He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know her cup size but not her name....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
