I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
