she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
