i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the day after is always just damage control
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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