She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
