I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have fence marks all over my body
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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