You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
