using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
