I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
