apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
