please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
