the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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