last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
