Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
