Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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