Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
