You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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