You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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