i already hear my dad disowning me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
smell my finger.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
