Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
