You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
3 2 1 whiskey
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
