you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize