i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
