i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
