I skipped work to stalk him.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
