Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
