GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
