I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
