Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
