we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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