bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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