shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
