Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
