Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
