Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
