She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
