thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
