There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
