I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
