my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
