So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The best revenge is premature balding
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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