I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
