I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
