why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
