You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
