I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
