Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
