hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
