Can i not drive my cunt home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
