considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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