Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
