apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
